anne is mauied

she did it! she did it! ...or should i say He did it! He did it!

she was draped in feathers,

her hair it was fancy.

she's hopin' her new hubby,

isn't a nancy

her mom gave a toast

the crowd held it's breath

she had things to say,

even if they "weren't the best".

the dance floor was packed

the photo booth was a hit

i held up her dress

while the bride took a shit.

dumb dumb, dumb dumb...

"anne: is getting married! to a man named assler. yep, assler. surely the wedding won't be white, but the marriage will be full of laughter. so they got that goin' for them... which is nice.

you say it's your birthday...

today is "anne's" b-day.  

she is 34 now, just like me.

34 rhymes with dirty whore.

sounds about right.

happy b-day "anne".

xoxo R.

it's like a fairy tale...

"anne" is on a little holiday vacation with her boyfriend, tb.  they have road tripped to graceland, seen old friends, and visited tb's family.  they have shared some intimate ho-mantic fairy tale moments which i will chronicle here for posterity's sake...

"anne": "i love your waist."

tb: "i love your waste too.  and by "waste" i mean excrement."

"anne" (tearing up): "oooh, this is everything i've ever dreamed of."

tb: "well, that makes one of us."

_________________________________________________

"anne" : "i'm very particular about my writing implements, tuberculosis."

tb: "well, implement this in your butt hole."

would you like to super size that?

"anne": "i want to invite you and your family to come to my cabin for a weekend with me and my mom."

me: "your mom is crazy.  and dana has to work, and getting out the door with the kids for a weekend by myself is kind of a nightmare... "

"anne":  "i understand.  i mean not about the kids, but i do know what's it's like to take three retards to mcdonald's."

YOU GOTTA! YOU GOTTA USE IT!!

phone confab:

"anne": "what are you doing?"

me: "playing scrabble online, i have 'penis' i just need to find an 's' to latch it on to"

long-ish pause...

me: "goddamnit!  i can't find anywhere to put it!  i have penis and i don't have anywhere to put it!"

"anne": "YOU GOTTA!  YOU GOTTA USE IT!"

me: "are you hearing our conversation right now?  we're yelling at each other about me not having anywhere to put 'penis'.  i gotta go write about this on our blog..."

...and don't forget to hang up your sock.