would you like to super size that?

"anne": "i want to invite you and your family to come to my cabin for a weekend with me and my mom."

me: "your mom is crazy.  and dana has to work, and getting out the door with the kids for a weekend by myself is kind of a nightmare... "

"anne":  "i understand.  i mean not about the kids, but i do know what's it's like to take three retards to mcdonald's."

YOU GOTTA! YOU GOTTA USE IT!!

phone confab:

"anne": "what are you doing?"

me: "playing scrabble online, i have 'penis' i just need to find an 's' to latch it on to"

long-ish pause...

me: "goddamnit!  i can't find anywhere to put it!  i have penis and i don't have anywhere to put it!"

"anne": "YOU GOTTA!  YOU GOTTA USE IT!"

me: "are you hearing our conversation right now?  we're yelling at each other about me not having anywhere to put 'penis'.  i gotta go write about this on our blog..."

...and don't forget to hang up your sock.

"anne's" kids say the darnedest things...

"i have feelings too you know-

in my ass.

no wonder it stinks in here."

-LB